please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's never too late to be topless.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
