too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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