Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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