dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
