Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
