the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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