ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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