It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
