we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
