we made out on top of his cat.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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