K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
