Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
