just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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