we're blogging at a bar
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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