Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
