I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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