You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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