why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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