New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So vagazzling was a success
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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