I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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