Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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