So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
