She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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