I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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