He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
