i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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