Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
