I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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