my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
