dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
