I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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