Swine flu. Run for my life!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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