i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i dont even know how to be here
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
