Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
