Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
