Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
