peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
whose parrot is this?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
