I want you more than these girls want KFC
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let's get the cat blown out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
