So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
