Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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