There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
