yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize