I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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