If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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