I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
