Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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