I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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