how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
NoShamevember. You game?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
