she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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