yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
