Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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