mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
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This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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