Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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