YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It was confusing and full of hummus
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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