I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
