do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
