just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
