I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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