No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
