PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
