I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
