I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
