Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
