If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
