he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
ttyl tear gas
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
