my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
