he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
