So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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