it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
