I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
