Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
