Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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